ChurchApplied

A Bad Marriage Can Make You Sick

According to a recent study, "A lousy marriage might literally make you sick. Marital strife and other bad personal relationships can raise your risk for heart disease, researchers reported" (AP - Oct. 8, 2007). In other words, stress on the home front can have a direct impact on your health.

So what can you do to change a bad marriage? Perhaps it would be better to begin with three things you cannot do:

1. You cannot make your spouse be a more agreeable person. You can't wave a magic wand and wish away his or her annoying idiosyncrasies and quirky habits. Strangely, some of these may have been what attracted you to them in the first place.

2. You cannot turn the clock back and start over. Where you are today is where you are!

3.  You cannot live for your spouse. He or she must live their own life, draw their own conclusions, learn their own lessons (through trial and error) and decide who they want to be.

Notabley, the only things you can do (successfully) to make your marriage better are those things that you alone have control over--your own thoughts, habits and reactions.

1. You can choose not to respond in kind if your spouse lashes out in anger.

2. You can choose to be the kind of person you wish your spouse would be to you--loving, gentle and patient. There may be times when showing a bit of discipline and "toughness" is needed to steer your way through rough waters. Not every marriage was made in heaven, but God can just as easily heal a damaged marriage as He can heal a diseased body or mind.

3. You can choose to praise God for the positive blessings in your life. Your glass may be half empty, but that means it's also half full.

Read AP Report

Some Helpful Marriage Resources

Relationships Where Grace Is In Place, by Ron and Karen Flowers

From This Day Forward Marriage Conference, with Willie and Elaine Oliver

Ten Keys to a Happy Marriage, by Mike Tucker

Photo by Noriko Cooper

Anti-Smoking Advocates?

The tax that the U.S. government (Federal and state) collects on cigarettes is really a death tax. It is one of the most convoluted behaviors I've ever seen exhibited. It is hypocritical for us to say "smoking kills," then to go right ahead and allow cigarettes to be sold over the counter for human consumption. In essence we're saying to smokers, "Hey, you shouldn't consume tobacco because it's deadly stuff. But if you insist, that's OK, we'll keep it legal, but we're going to benefit from your misery by taxing your addiction."

If cigarettes were introduced today as a new product, the FDA would never allow them to be sold. They have been grandfathered in because they've been around forever, and so many people still earn their livelihoods from tobacco related products.

This past summer while visiting my parents in North Carolina, my wife and I drove past barns filled with leathery brown tobacco leaves, hanging upside down to cure. When I was a teen I remember walking through a little town in North Florida and hearing the cadence of an auctioneer faintly drifting through the air. As I approached the warehouse, I realized he was auctioning off that year's crop of tobacco leaves (neatly dried and stacked in rows).

Why is it that smoking and alcohol are OK, but not Marijuana? Have you ever wondered about this? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying Marijuana should be legal, but cigarettes kill far more people than Marijuana. You can do prison time if you get caught with the "wrong drug." Evidently, some forms of addiction are more acceptable than others.

While recently in the south, Linda and I ate at a restaurant in Nashville and were immediately reminded of how ludicrous it is to have non-smoking and smoking sections in the same room. The ventilation is shared by all, so whatever gets smoked on one side of the room permeates the entire building. I was reminded of how grateful I am that California, Oregon, and Washington have all prohibited smoking in public places.

I remember when smoking was still allowed on planes (yes, I'm that old). All the smokers sat in the back, but the air circulated throughout the plane, so it really didn't matter where they sat. If one person smoked, the whole plane did. I'm glad that stopped. Evidently enough people complained about it, and science confirmed the harm that was being done.

Should Seventh-day Adventist Christians defer to others to lead the fight against smoking, or should we become advocates for a smoke-free world? Should we conduct smoke-free clinics in our communities to help support those who want to quit? We did some of this in the past, but it seems we have backed off and allowed others to take our place. What do you think?

Smoking: You Can Be Free